Posted by: segebee | April 17, 2009

JOHNBULL (1)

It was 8 am on a monday morning, JohnBull was headed for a job interview at a bank around Obalende CMS. It was a very
lucrative job; a bank driver! He was armed with his CV (Driving License and Primary School Certificate). Smelling thickly of
some cheap label-less perfume he had bought by the roadside, and wearing a suit that had seen better days, JohnBull looked
at himself again; as far as he was concerned, he looked good. For some seconds, he imagined his new lifestyle after getting the
bank job…it would be as Abdul said; he’d get an air conditioned car, and a salary of N100,000 as well as other allowances.
He smiled; after his first salary, he would make his friends go green with envy, and that Nneka girl, she would have no choice
but to fall at his feet…he would move to Ikoyi (staying in his boss’ Boy’s Quarters) and Yes! He would become a Big Boy!!!
He was brought back to the present when someone stepped on his leg. Just as he was about to curse, another hit him by the side.
Ten he realised what was happening, People were rushing for a bus that had just arrived, and it would be quite some time before
another would come.

In a split second, he was in the midst of the crowd (there was no way he would be late for his interview, even if he had to hang),
struggling and shoving, throwing punches and getting back same, everyone wanted to get into this bus. With the shout of a gladiator,
JohnBull pushed as hard as he could, and got into the bus (He was happy, but unknown to him, his wallet and handset had been stolen!).
Making his way inside the bus, JohnBull cursed when he heard the fare; it had been increased by 100%, Mcheew! He should have taken a Molue.
Anyway he felt he could still afford it. “JohnBull!JohnBull!JohnBull!”, it was Nneka calling his name. He swiftly went to sit with her.
(This girl who he had long toasted was smiling at him, and calling his name! He didn’t know however that Nneka couldn’t afford the fare,
and just wanted to use him…well he’d show her he was a big boy and pay her fare, and when he buys his car…the fool kept dreaming).

Two individuals were cursing each other in the bus (obviously, they had traded blows in the rush to enter the bus); “Oloshi! Were! Ko ni
da fun gbogbo yin ni village yin! Agbaya! Wo oju e bi oju eja! Ashewo! Your Father! You’ll die before this week ends! Na ur whole family go die!”.
“Sorry o”; people were consoling a man who had his shirt torn while struggling to get into the bus. Most were mocking him, including his
sympathisers. “Oloshi, u no fit wait for another bus! pele, u better go back home! Yeye!”.
The conductor was struggling with Agberos (touts) at the B/Stop.1
“Owo Security, Owo loading (Security money, loading money)”. “Mu Ten Fibre wa! (Bring N100)”. “Rara o! Gba shandy (No, take N20)”.
“Ori e o pe abi, o fe kin disfigure oju e ni, o ni fe we lori transformer! (I’ll disfigure your face if you don’t pay, you won’t want to
take your bath on top of a transformer!)”.

//The bus conductor will be referred to as Condi from now on, and the driver as Pilot from hereon.

“Oya! Make we dey go now”. Condi abruptly paid the agbero (tout), and Pilot stepped on the pedal, jolting everyone in the bus, he was out of the
bus stop in a jiffy, not without curses from the passengers. “Useless People, if LASTMA or RRS catches me, they’ll all get down and collect their
money…yeye people! Mcheeeeew!!!”, Pilot thought to himself.

JohnBull was looking for a way to engage Nneka in a conversation. “Baby, i like the way u walk, i like the way you carry your bag”, JohnBull told
Nneka. Nneka blushed…the stupid condi should collect the fare quickly, this JohnBull was fast becoming a nuisance…if not that she had no money
…what business does a poor man have with sheraton…Mcheeeeewww! (But she had no choice, the mugu would pay after all…).
“Thank you”, she replied.
“So where are you going to?”. “Work”. “Where?”. “GRA”. “Wow!”. JohnBull was impressed, if only he knew she was just a cleaner…

Condi was now asking for money…Nneka felt relieved, she would soon put this guy in his place. “Bring out your money, i no get change o!”

When Condi got to them, Johnbull waved him on, and told Nneka he would pay for her. She smiled, thanked him, and stroke his arm. JohnBull
was on fire! Chei…this girl that had showed him pepper… Girls, they can die for money.
He reached into his pocket for his wallet. It wasn’t there! No way, this can’t be happening! He looked at the person at his back, it was an old
woman; she definitely could not have stolen his wallet. He was mad, if not for Nneka he would have caused trouble in this bus…
He searched his pockets again…Nneka looked at him…he smiled at her. “Chei!!! i don die!”, JohnBull thought to himself.
“GRA wa o”, Nneka shouted to let Condi know she was getting off at the next B/Stop.
JohnBull had an option, he had a small change in his folder, but it could only pay for one person’s fare. Nneka’s announcement meant it would be her fare
he would pay…he would sort himself out with Condi. She had stroked his arm, he couldn’t fail now, not now…he imagined what would happen in the evening.
Reluctantly, he paid for Nneka’s fare with his last change and told Condi to chill as he would still pay him.
The bus had gotten to GRA and Nnkeka got down without even saying Goodbye to JohnBull…
“She must be in a rush to work”, JohnBull thought.
“Mugu! Mumu! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Mcheeew!!!”, Nneka said to herself. (She had gist for her fellow cleaners at work today, they would so laugh!)

JohnBull looked at Nneka’s beautiful figure fade out as the bus moved on, Damn…she was beautiful.
Condi was coming towards him now, it was him and Condi now…
What would he do???

———————————
Watch out for Part 2 coming out soon…lol

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Responses

  1. Writer’s block…working on Part 2


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